How are we conditioned to think about behaviors? Growing up, we hear that children are somewhere between good and bad. The notion of being good or bad is often carried through adolescence and into an adult’s identity based on their actions, who they are, or perceived to be. Never mind the white supremacist, hierarchal system underlying these perceptions, impacting everyday thoughts, feelings, and behaviors.
What if we looked at behaviors as needs, and if behaviors are needs, what happens to needs when they go unaddressed? In many ways, the needs may manifest into norms that are not true to a person but rather how the environment and society have shaped that person to be.
So, how well do you know yourself? Have you ever thought about what needs your thoughts, feelings, or behaviors may be communicating to you? Taking inventory of your needs is a centering practice that demystifies internalizations that are not personally true. We don’t wake up and decide to have a “bad” day, but we wake up with needs that require attention and intention. Learning to be intentional about the attention needed to address needs is a practice that requires communication, dedication, and elevation.
- Communication
- Use your words
- Speak with clarity
- Know that you are worthy of being seen, heard, and validated.
Answer the question: What do I need?
Fill in the blank: I feel ___________ because __________ and I need _________.
Reflect: What was easy or challenging? Anything you would like to do differently or continue next time?
2. Dedication
Communication requires a level of vulnerability that can be uncomfortable if speaking with attention, intention, and clarity is new. Maybe growing up, thoughts, feelings, and behaviors were held in not by choice but because there were no other options. Or maybe it was taught that it was necessary to be strong and carry on because there was no room for self-expression.
On the other hand, perhaps you have always spoken clearly, and this is a gentle reminder to continue. However you find yourself, know that your voice is valid. I hear you, and I see you. Affirm the following affirmations:
- I am worthy of my feelings.
- I deserve to speak with clarity.
- I am worthy of my feelings and I deserve to speak with clarity.
3. Elevation
Communication requires forgiveness for what was not known, not taught, not an option. Allow permission to learn, relearn, and grow. Dismiss communication practices that no longer serve you by acknowledging and redirecting thoughts, feelings, and behaviors that do not speak to your highest good.
- Pay attention to what you feel, when you feel it, and why.
- Be intentional about addressing your needs with clarity.
- Give yourself grace!
You deserve elevation! I believe in you!
Light & Love,
Kenya
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